Faith

God woke me up at about 6am today. My phone was turned off. I got ready and went to AA. I usually make my pwn coffee at home and bring my mug with coffee, but this time I only had time to get dressed, grab my stuff and head out the door. I love the mornings! I put on Christian Radio and when I got about half way there, I stopped at a red light. A homeless man cut across a lane (no cars were coming) and he walked up to my window. I rolled my window down and told him that God will bless him. He said he needs $7.00 for something. I don’t even know for sure what he said it was for, but I told him I honestly do not know if I have cash in my wallet. I had to pay a handyman cash yesterday and have been low on cash. I have a back up credit card though and will get paid soon. My Dad recently gave me money for a barnyard door, money for the handyman, and money for my hospitl bill. I still have that money in my acct for my bill and will pay it tomorrow. One thing about my social security mental disability and SMI AHCCCS is that I actually have amazing health insurance right now and I only owed $275 from a $50,000 bill so the government isn’t totally F’d up. But anyway I definetely no longer have the fear of economic insecurity. So I told the guy, if I can look in my wallet to see if I have cash before the light turns green, no problem. So sure enough I had exactly $7 bucks in my wallet and I handed it over to him and said God will bless you again. I saw him do a quick prayer of gratitude to God. I got to AA and it was a beautiful meeting on the patio. We laughed about stuff that isn’t really funny but the way the stories were told made everyone laugh. It was fucked up stuff but only true alcoholics can laugh about it later and know that because of stupid decisions when drunk, we are blessed to still be alive. I shared the story about how I drove drunk when I was 20 years old. I don’t think I became a true alcoholic until after my divorce in 2012/2013. It was finalized in 4/12/13 but he called me on the phone like a coward to tell me he wanted a divorce 8/26/12. Donna’s (My Mother’s B-Day). He made sure he was way on the other side of the country in NY and I was in AZ waiting for him to come vacay with me. Like I said earlier, my marriage and divorce will be multiple separate blogs. So anyway, I was partying with friends after work when I was 20. At that point I was working at Old Navy. I drove home drunk (had to pause cause my new caseworker Ashley actually had the crisis team at the facility call me to check on me and they will call me tomorrow and Sunday). I take back what I said about my new caseworker. Anyway, so I drove home drunk to my Mother’s house where I was temporarily living. I fell asleep and hit a big giant orange construction cone. It definitely scared the shit out of me and woke me up! I got home and the cone was litteraly stuck under my car! I was like..oh shit! I pulled it out and all this dirt fell out. I put the cone on the neighbor’s drive way and called it a night. But looking back that was a gentle warning from God. That could have been a person I hit and a body stuck under my car! That shit has happens in real life and can’t even imagine how traumatic that would be. I know I heard of a guy hitting a bicyclist once and the person’s head I think was decapitated and was on his car right in his face basicallly and the guy went home and killed himself. I have seen an episode on CSI or Law and Order where the driver drove home, parked in that garage and still had a body (actually the person was still technically alive still). That shit happens and is fucked up!! Driving drunk is no joke! My Dad that same year got a warning too. He did not kill anyone or himself but his warning came in the form as a DUI and jail time. He left my Aunt’s house to go get food and did not even leave the neighborhood before he hit a judges’ house with a concrete mailbox. That was right when DUI’s were getting stricter.. they started calling them extreme DUIs. So he went to his fire chief at work and told him what happened, he demoted himself to Captain on an engine. He was still Captain but before he was an EC Captain with his own truck that he drove. I only realized last night that those 2 incidents happened the same year. My family could have lost my Dad and their sister/daughter in the same year.. We both could have easily died from drinking and driving but God was watching out for us. Even though my Dad does not have faith, I have faith for the both os us.